Loving and liking

Ok, my study question for last week was:  Can you love someone without liking them?  How do you love those you don't like? 

I completely understand that loving everyone is a commandment, and I strive to keep it.  But sometimes, some people come into your pathway in life and well, it's hard.  I'm not talking about people who offend or wrong me at all.  I'm just talking about people who are kind of hard to like.  So, can you love someone as a child of God, your brother or sister in the gospel without really liking them?  Or if you truly love them as a child of God will you like them as a result? 

I wasn't sure where to start this search.  I began in the topical guide looking at things like friendship, brotherhood and sisterhood, and fellowship.  And I looked up scriptures I thought might help.  Here we go.

Started with D&C 88: 133:  .... I salute you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, in token or remembrance of the everlasting covenant, in which covenant I receive you to ^afellowship, in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your ^bfriend and ^cbrother through the grace of God in the bonds of love ....

       I took friend and brother to mean like and love here.  Friend is to like as brother is to love.  You can have like AND love THROUGH the grace (enabling power) of God.   God's grace can lead us to like and love after we fulfill our covenant to fellowship.  So I take this to mean that God will step in and help us to both like and love if we put forth the effort to fellowship.  So now I need to figure out what it means to fellowship...

1 John 4: 16 - 17:  .....God is love; and he that ^adwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him. 17 Herein is our love made perfect.....

        We know the love of God.  Let that love spread to others and once we 'dwell' in love, God will perfect our love.  Same as above, grace can make up for our lack of liking once we start to love.  The phrase "our love can become perfect" I take to mean that we can move beyond loving (as a fellow child of God) to liking.  Perfect love would include liking I think.  So, our part is to dwell in love/God.  This maybe answers my question above- is it possible to love without liking?  Probably not because once we really love (dwell in love) God will perfect it (liking).

Verse 18 was also instructive:  There is no ^afear in ^blove; but perfect ^clove casteth out fear: because fear hath ^dtorment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

    This verse wasn't in my initial search, but it got me thinking.  I never thought about fear entering the like/love equation before.  Two thoughts:  first, fear can prohibit fellowship (which we need to acquire grace in our love).  We can fear we will run into them/have to spend time with them, fear of what they will say will bother you, fear you will encourage what you don't like about them, fear of having to judge them, etc etc.  Fear is at the heart of a lot of it- must cast out all fear.  Second thought is that fear prohibits faith and you must have faith God will help you begin to love and then perfect the love.  So, must cast out all fears.  How?  D&C 38:30 "..if ye are prepared ye shall not fear..."   So, how do I prepare to fellowship?

D &C 38: 24:  ...and let every man esteem his brother as himself....

   What does esteem mean?  To treat?  And who is our brother?  First, let's look at what it means to esteem.  The footnote under esteem lists
Deuteronomy 17:20: That his heart be not lifted up above his ^abrethren, and that he ^bturn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left....
   So from this we learn that to esteem means not thinking yourself as better or worse than your neighbor.
1 Cor 4: 6-7 that ye might learn in us not to think of men above that which is written, that no one of you be ^apuffed up for one against another.

 7 For who maketh thee ^ato differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not ^breceive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it?

    We're all the same and we all received everything we have and are- (including some personality traits) from God.  Therefore we can't view ourselves as higher than anyone in any regard.  

Ok, now let's look at who our brother is.  The footnote here lists 

Acts 17: 26-34:  ....and hath made of one blood all nations of men..... we are also his offspring.

    So, everyone.  Everyone is our brother.  We are all offspring of God.  We must love everyone- esteem every man (our brother) as ourselves.

Romans 15: 1-2:  We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.  v2 Let not everyone of us please his neighbor for his good to edification.

     Let us please our neighbors for THEIR good to edification- meaning please them- give them what they want.  

Ok, so sorry if those last scriptures seemed jumbled- I didn't get a chance to take very good notes the last couple of days there on what I was thinking or linking it all back together, but here's the main point I kept coming back to with the question of liking those we love-- God will help us.  And here's where it links well with last week's study of the atonement.  When we put forth the effort to see and treat everyone as children of God and fellowship them- God will step in and strengthen us with His enabling power (grace or power of the atonement) to make our love perfect.  I really believe God can help us like someone if we first try to love them. 

 

The enabling power of the atonement and sanctification

Ever since reading Elder Bednar's talk "In the Strength of the Lord" I've wanted to use the atonement of Jesus Christ not only to repent but also to improve my weaknesses.  He says in the talk that the atonement is not only to make bad men good (ie repentance) but to make good men better.  I read this talk first back in April and thought a lot about it.  I read it right around conference time and I wished to use this enabling power to help me with my goals for improvement from conference.

Six months later I can say that it truly worked.  I'm not sure how.  I just prayed that I could use the atonement specifically, for my specific goals and I've definitely seen huge improvements in the areas of those goals since that time.  I can attribute this to the atonement I believe, but I'm still not sure how exactly and I wanted to learn more about what I can do to use the atonement to improve.

So I set out to study it in the scriptures.  I decided that I would specifically search through the term 'sanctification' since repentance seemed to be the first step, then further improvement through sanctification, or making holy.  Here are some things I learned about sanctification in the scriptures and how it ties to improving through the atonement:

Hel 3: 35 ... they did ^afast and ^bpray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their ^chumility, and firmer and firmer in the faith of Christ, unto the filling their souls with joy and consolation, yea, even to the ^dpurifying and the ^esanctification of their hearts, which sanctification cometh because of their ^fyielding their hearts unto God.

   So we are sanctified by yielding our hearts to God, but also by 1.  fasting and praying oft, 2. increasing humility and 3. increasing faith of Christ.  Joy and consolation are side effects of the sanctification process.  The verse before this (34) also mentions that they became this way because of affliction.  So we can be sanctified through trials.

Alma 5:54  ... they have been brought into this church, having been^asanctified by the Holy Spirit, and they do bring forth works which are meet for repentance—

     We are sanctified BY the Holy Spirit- this is key I think- the Holy Ghost has a sanctifying effect.  So the more we allow/invite the Holy Ghost in, the further we will be sanctified.  Also, the atonement is brought in this process through repentance.

Alma 13: 11-12 ... they were called after this holy order, and were^asanctified, and their ^bgarments were washed white through the blood of the Lamb.   v 12  Now they, after being ^asanctified by the ^bHoly Ghost, having their garments made white, being ^cpure and spotless before God, could not look upon ^dsin save it were with ^eabhorrence...

     Here it says they were sanctified and then washed white through the atonement, which is interesting because it seems like the order is reversed.  It seems the process can go both ways.  As they were sanctified by the Holy Ghost, their garments were made white in the process of sanctification.  Sanctification <-> atonement.  Reciprocal.  In order to be sanctified you must first repent, utilizing the atonement and then in the process of sanctification you are further made white through the blood of the lamb.  

3 Nephi 27 20 ...^aRepent, all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me and be ^bbaptized in my name, that ye may be ^csanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost, that ye may stand ^dspotless before me at the last day....

      Here it says you are sanctified by the reception of the Holy Ghost.  Interesting.  Both at baptism and I'm guessing whenever you receive the Holy Ghost it sanctifies you a little.  This is why we need to invite the Spirit all the time.  

So in order to use the atonement to be better we need to do everything we can to invite/feel/allow the Spirit and have that sanctify us (through the blood of the lamb).  Without the atonement would the Holy Ghost/sanctification be able to cleanse/sanctify?  No.  We must first be clean.

Moroni 10: 33  ...if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye ^asanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the ^bblood of Christ...

    I thought the prepositions in this verse were particularly interesting- perfect IN Christ, sanctified IN Christ BY the grace of God THROUGH the shedding of blood of Christ.  What does sanctified IN Christ mean?  We are sanctified by the grace of God-  (how it's done) through the atonement.  God granted it to be done by His grace and Christ carried it out.  I guess the perfection and sanctification process are one in the same.

Moroni 4: 3  bless and ^asanctify this ^bbread to the souls of all those who partake of it

    Sanctify the bread TO those who partake- so we become sanctified as we worthily partake of the sacrament.  The bread and water need to be set apart and made holy same as us.

And finally here are some notes I took while re-reading Elder Bednar's talk on the subject (who actually doesn't really mention sanctification, but I still think it's tied).  

He starts out with a scripture- Mosiah 3:19 "...putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement..."  So 1.  putteth off the natural man = the redeeming and cleansing power of the atonement (avoiding bad.  Bad -> good.)  and 2.  becometh a saint - strengthening and enabling power of the atonement (becoming good.  good -> better).  The atonement is just as necessary to the second process as it is to the first.

"The Lord desires through His atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost to live in us- not only to direct us but also to empower us."  

"Do not pray to have your circumstances changed.  Rather, pray for the strength to change your circumstances."  This is a key point to his talk- he goes back to this many times and repeats it over and over.  I was a little surprised that this is so key since it seemingly doesn't involve the atonement, but I think it is crucial to unlocking the enabling power of the atonement.

"It is through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement and repentance, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means."

I also felt that this process of using the atonement to improve is very tied to the basic principles and ordinances of the gospel (the gospel process) - 1. faith 2. repentance 3. baptism (sacrament) 4. Holy Ghost 5. Enduring to the end.  Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Steps 3 and 4 obviously have to do with the redeeming power of the atonement and I really think step 5 has a lot to do with the sanctification part of it.  With faith rolled into all of it.  

So, ending points- it is crucial to have the Holy Ghost in order to be sanctified and in order to invite the enabling power of Christ's atonement (also known as grace) to improve us.  Pray, have faith, repent, then invite the Spirit as much as possible throughout days/trials/life and endure by praying for strength to change circumstances rather than just praying circumstances will change. If we do these things we will invite grace to change our natures and improve our weaknesses.